It was Joe Holland. Never heard of him?

IMDB lists him being in only two movies.

Answers.com is a little more generous in parceling out the Joe Holland tidbits:

Actor and screeenwriter Joe Holland launched his onscreen acting career in Back to the Beach (1987). The son of actress Joanna Carson, his student film Delirious earned him a Frank Capra Award. Holland occasionally dabbled in television, making guest appearances on shows such as the drama 21 Jump Street and Cheers.

I developed my own crush on Joe because of his role as Zed in the 1987 movie Back to the Beach. He was the good-natured cute thug guy who rode his motorcycle on the beach, was très punk, and (fodder for my childhood fantasies) he stormed a girls-only slumber party! Swoon! Slumber parties were never the same after 1987. I wished I could have hit him with my pillow!

So, um, it turns out that Joe died. Pulmonary embolism at 33, got him May 4, 1994.

Only one picture exists of Joe and it’s blurry, plus he’s pursing his lips. It’s like a yeti sighting.

“We boys don’t know what’s up with those My Little Ponies. What’s their secret? Do you hit a button under their genitalia and then they talk? What sex are My Little Ponies? Are they all girls?”

Unfortunately, like I can never understand knob sausage stir-fry, men will never understand the mystique of the My Little Pony.

With the advent of the Generation Three Ponies, however, there is much I myself, a once avid collector of the Generation One Ponies don’t understand.

The Ponies of my youth, the Generation Ones, came out from 1982 to 1991, though I hated the Beddy-Bye Eyes, Flutter Ponies and So Soft Ponies, all which appeared in 1985. I stopped collecting soon thereafter. Also, in a fit of pre-teen stupidity, I gave away my “kid” toys to my sister, who promptly sold my pristine collection for $25 to some guy at a garage sale.

The Ponies disappeared for many years, then in 2003 they reappeared with vigour. I kind of kept away, then I got Summer Berry for Christmas last year.

Summer Berry grows so many kinds of berries in her garden, she can’t even count them all! She uses them to bake lots of yummy muffins, and then surprises her friends by bringing a basketful to eat at the beach!

This Dream Design pony is sure to catch your eye! She’s got a three-dimensional CUTIE MARK design that really stands out!

Pony figure comes with brush.

Pony’s foot contains magnet.

A magnet? What the fuck? Nobody told me this before I massaged my credit cards with Summer Berry!

So many kinds of berries, she can’t even count them all? Geez, what’s she growing in there? Let me in – I was such an obsessive kid, I made lists of all the different kinds of berries, I was a real connoisseur of really unusual berry names: did you know that there’s a thimbleberry and a nannyberry? Summer Berry, I could’ve catalogued your garden.

The other day, I stumbled upon the My Little Pony section in the supermarket. At only $4.97, how was I supposed to resist Twirlerina? A blue pegasus with pink shimmering wings, a pink tail and a pink mane streaked with mauve, Hasbro has this to say about her:

A royal celebration is in order, because the ponies have discovered that they are all real princesses! The fairy tale has come true for everyone!

Twirlerina was born in October and her favorite [sic] color is crimson. Her favorite [sic] gems are opals and you can usually find her taking ballet lessons!

This adorable Pegasus is perfect for adventures to your own ballet lessons and is always ready for lots of pony fun!

Now if everyone is a real princess, then aren’t they all commoners?

More to the point, why would you want a pegasus around during ballet lessons? These things fly! There you are, your feet bleeding, and this flying horse-thing pretends to be en pointe, when it’s cheating by hovering. Yeah, Twirlerina, the only reason I bought you is because of your pretty wings.

The biggest suckie thing about these new ponies is that there are almost no unicorns. The Generation Ones had plenty of unicorns represented along with the land ponies, the sea ponies, the baby ponies and the pegasuses. What happened to the Generation Three unicorns?

Does it have something to do with the unicorns’ traditional purity? Once only virgins could attract unicorns – are all the virgins gone?

Also gone are the 2005 ponies. I only discovered the so-called Sunny Scent Ponies today when I reviewed Summer Berry’s accompanying booklet. I have never seen cute little Citrus Sweetheart (white with orange hair and a yellow streak) or Apple Spice yellow with red hair and a purple streak (looks like Generation One favourite Apple Jack).

But it could be just Canada. The 2006 Generation Three Pony checklist has limited edition ponies from Taco Bueno, Target and, what Matt tells me is a white trash hangout, Family Dollar. These are all stores we don’t have in Canada. I guess I missed Pumpkin Tart from Target this Halloween.

Yesterday I found myself in a supermarket, strangely alone in the My Little Pony aisle. I rummaged through the Ponies to check them out.

An early favourite was Summer Bloom, a yellow pony with pink shimmer crawling saucily up her legs.

The ponies all love pretending to be a princess. But they’re in for a surprise when they discover that, for one special pony, this fairy tale might really come true!

Summer Bloom was born in August and her favorite color is gold. Her favorite flowers are daisies and you can usually find her doing cartwheels and somersaults!

Pretty summer-colored pony has an all-over flower design! Pony figure comes with brush and bonus jewel.

Wait! I thought they were all princesses? Elitist liars.

Then I saw Silver Glow, a blue pegasus with turquoise shimmering wings and white hair streaked with blue, in a kind of reverse Bride of Frankenstein way.

The ponies all love pretending to be a princess. But they’re in for a surprise when they discover that, for one special pony, this fairy tale might really come true!

Silver Glow was born in November and her favorite color is blue. Her favorite flowers are petunias and at night you can usually find her gliding across the moonlit sky!

Dazzling pony is pretty in shades of blue! Pony figure comes with her own brush.

Huh?

Wasn’t Summer Bloom quite possibly the real princess among all the pretenders? Now it might be Silver Glow?

I think they’re just playing with the Ponies’ minds. Leading the girls astray.

At least Silver Glow likes her colour, not like Twirlerina who probably wishes she were crimson instead of her own blue. This is a good message to send out to impressionable little girls: like the body you’re in and don’t go having bulimia or whatever.

At last I found Royal Twist, a white land pony with pink shimmer slipping going up her legs. The spiel about her possibly being the real pony again. Darling, even if your name is Royal Twist, don’t count on being the real princess.

Royal Twist was born in November and her favorite color is royal purple. Her favorite gems are sapphires and she can usually be found collecting tiaras!

Okay, okay, you pretend your favourite colour is royal purple and you can collect all the tiaras you want, girlie, but you ain’t never gonna be a princess. ‘Sides, princesses always marry ugly jerks. You don’t want to end up with some jackass, do you?

All three ponies were just so darned cute, royal aspirations notwithstanding, that I could not resist to rearrange the shelves with the pretty trio in the front. Then I left the store.