When I was sixteen, a teacher in social studies handed out to each of us a world map with country boundaries but no names. “Just to test out where you are in geography,” he said. “Take fifteen minutes and write the names of all the countries you know in the blank spaces.”

After fifteen minutes, I still needed more time. Some white trash chick sitting nearby looked over at my sheet of paper and said, “What? Did you memorize the map?”

“No, bitch, I simply listed the places I am going to visit while you rot here in your redneck pork palace.”

Well, it would have been really cool if I could have made that comeback when I was sixteen.