From the March/April 1927 issue of Dennison’s Party Magazine.

Oysterettes must be those oyster biscuits Laura Ingalls Wilder’s dad survived on during that blizzard in On the Banks of Plum Creek. Anyone ever try an oyster cracker? Do real oysters go into the making of oyster crackers?

You make a phone call to the 14th century. You have 30 seconds to impart some 21st century knowledge. Go!

• Take more baths.
• Boil water.
• Bleeding people doesn’t help anything.
• More cats. They can get rid of some of the rats.
• Eat more fresh fruits and vegetables.
• Farmers are happier when they’re not serfs. Motivate your employees!
• Beer tastes better when it’s not made with chickens. (Matt told me about cock ale.)
• Gunpowder works better as fireworks.
• There’s no such thing as the supernatural.
• One day your grandkids are going to sail halfway around the world and kill brown people. Tell them it’s not a good idea.
• Floss your teeth. You can use thin strands of wool.

(Via the Living Venice blog)

US alcohol laws are complex. For example, you need to show ID to buy liquor cakes.

But this?

My in-laws received a box of wine for Christmas with this label.

If you’re getting a box of wine delivered to your door at home…does it matter if you’re drunk in the safety of your home? What are they trying to protect you Americans from?

Manga is pretty dumb. A few good pictures, then some oversimplified drawings that don’t fit the aesthetic theme or even remotely match the cover art. As for the stories, I do not find their adolescent slant at all appealing.

However, I do like Mizuki Shigeru’s series Gegege no Kitaro, about Japanese folkloric monsters or yokai.* When I saw Umezu Kazuo’s Cat Eyed Boy, filled with one-legged monsters, long-necked demon women and wives with disgustingly toothy joker grins, I knew this might be manga to my liking.

The Cat Eyed Boy of the title is a kid with claws, a cat nose and cat eyes. He can transform and he can talk to cats: at one point, he calls the neighbourhood cats to carry his wounded body on their backs to a local doctor. He lives in your typical Japan, where no one likes the deformed, forcing them to become evil. The Cat Eyed Boy straddles the point between humans and monsters, neither side accepting him. On his travels in search of shelter he gets involved with the humans he observes, though his moral compass does not necessarily lead him to help the humans out of their supernatural predicaments.

Indeed, though the drawings aren’t always perfect, they are consistent. The monsters are good enough for my tastes (except the ones that look like the Elephant Man). The patterns add quite a bit:

*I also bought myself some Doraemon in preparation for the day I can read Japanese. The Sazae comics are also fun, but those are newspaper comics, not comic book comics.

In one of my very rare fits of retail therapy,* I bought something frivolous. It’s a brooch made from a Czech matchbox. For being her first buyer, Nekoshka even sent me an extra gift, a beautiful little handmade notebook decorated with cloth and ribbons. I just had to show off my brooch. That’s the whole purpose of this post.**

*I generally don’t subscribe or condone this form of ridiculous female consumerism.

**However, if you’ve thought your consumerism through and if you like pretty things, I do recommend Nekoshka’s jewellery.

Huh. This is as close as I have ever gotten to remembering this blog’s anniversary. In 23 minutes, it will be seven years old.

Even though I haven’t accomplished much in my life, I still like to pretend that I have time to get everything done before I die. I’ve got another 40 years before death or dementia to grow into my obituary:

Our dear FG Maktaaq was at once a writer, a world traveller and a brilliant mind, was beloved by friends and family across the world. Maktaaq lived in eight countries, counted Austria and Italy among the favourites, yet always loved Romania above all, strange currency, cranky shopkeepers, questionable wine and all.

This respect for the motherland led Maktaaq to devote years to making Romania’s fortified architecture famous, with books like the encyclopedic Transylvanian Castles and Fortresses; Oltenian Fortified Houses; The Rise of the Transylvanian Peasant Castle and the bestselling Star-shaped Thing! A Detailed Study of the Alba Iulia Citadel.

In addition to these scholarly works, Maktaaq also wrote a number of popular history and culture books: Hamsters: A Social History; Royal Cavies: The Guinea Pigs of European Aristocratic Households; Grackles: The Plucky Little Birds that Conquered the Southwest; Before Wile E. Coyote: Roadrunners in Native and Settler Accounts; Gnome: Travels with Garden Statuary; In the Footsteps of Brancusi: Another Romanian Walks to Paris; Planes, Trains and Coca-Cola Boats: My Memoirs about Transportation; Hanafuda: History and Aesthetics; Peripatetic Pancakes for Dummies and Spooky: A Guide to Asian Supernatural Film. Maktaaq was the co-founder of the Penguin European and Asian comic imprint, Skua.

During a long career in museums, Maktaaq worked at the Austrian Museum of Folk Life and Folk Art, the Kunsthistorisches, and the Sea Island Historical Society’s Museum at YVR. In 2032, Maktaaq also started the Alba Iulia Museum of Romanian Ingenuity.

Maktaaq was a traveller on par with the legendary Marco Polo, only without the fake monsters, exaggerated numbers, really dangerous parts and 17-year-long stays. Maktaaq took up shoulder dancing and Amharic in Ethiopia, supervised workers to restore a Venetian palace, hiked through the Grand Canyon*, was colonised by fleas in Tibet, volunteered as a caretaker at South Georgia Museum, cycled across the Loire Valley, and spent much, much time in Japanese onsens. Maktaaq had many friends in Taiwan, Hong Kong, the Philippines, Japan, Ethiopia, Rwanda, Austria, Italy, Finland, Germany and Tunisia.

In love, Maktaaq was very lucky in finding a soulmate in Matt, who was a loyal partner in travel and books. Maktaaq’s sister, nephews and nieces will always remember the unusual gifts brought home from around the world. Everyone will always remember Maktaaq’s bizarre sense of humour and great kindness.**

*Actually, I already achieved this part of the obituary.

**Better work on this one.