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I keep telling myself, I’ve hit rock bottom. I am as low as a worm crushed under the hoof of a diplodicus. I cannot go any lower.
But then, the little angels that are in charge of misery dig the earth from underneath me and I drop in further down.
Silly me. I forgot that I could keep falling down to the hot molten lava at the centre of the earth.
There I was yesterday morning, happy that things seemed slightly sparklier than the day before. Then I get a phone call with the almost the worst news possible. Yes, it can get worse and I don’t want to jinx it.
People should be more like sheep and stop the hell trying to be so damn unique. When one of them leaves forever, how are you supposed to replace them? Where in the world can you find an exact carbon copy with whom you can strike up a friendship and carry on as if nothing happened, as if no one died or no one moves away forever and ever?
I officially decree that tomorrow, March 20, will be Copycat Day. No more showing those interesting quirks of personality, no more original witticisms that cry for being writ down, no more special treatment for anyone. Tomorrow, the inauguration of Copycat Day, everyone must be decent to each other, because treating someone badly is also out of the ordinary and we’re looking for generalizations here.
Instead of flowers or chocolates, celebrate the people in your life by doing exactly what they are doing. Go to sleep with the person(s) you want to copy tomorrow (you want to start the day off right in the morning). Crowd into the shower with your friends, share a toothbrush, cook breakfast together, sit on each other’s laps, wash the dishes side by side with all pairs of hands in one sink, read articles from the weekend paper to each other or silently read the same page and, if you read faster, wait for the other person to catch up. Then do what everyone wants to do: an hour at the mall for the shopping obsessed, an hour sipping coffee at the shop down the road, an hour driving aimlessly – only have a motorcycle? In many third world countries, you can see entire families on one bike. At the end of the day, make one giant serving of spaghetti and feed each other.
Whatever the other people in your life would do on a Sunday, you do it too. That way, at least every March 20th, everyone will have someone with the same hobbies and interests and personalities, and if something were to ever happen to that someone, you could look forward to the next March 20th, and have someone exactly like you.
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